11/17/14

Another let it go moment

I met a guy. Yup! He is someone unexpected but hmm a little not so surprising, though it freaks me out when he came into the scene. Confusing huh? We let me tell you why because I thought my prayers aren't that real and it was heard again as exactly as I wanted. So when he came right in front of me he was like a ghost that came into reality who freaked me out inside, I even tried to hide away myself from him. Then apparently he turned out to be a ghost only to creep cleverly around me until the very end of him as being always a ghost and I'm now trying to letting go. Shucks. Let me explain a bit further down okay?

Way back 12 years, I prayed for someone as exactly  as the guy I have wished to love and to hold 2 years before that 12 years,  but then he only passed by like a storm leaving me no room to grow. Now, I should have learned the lesson that my prayers can be granted by whatever forces may  that be to make it work to simply play me around or to make a joke on me. I have to learn the lesson that I have no match to anyone. That no one can surmount this strength to bend me over.  I was made to stand alone and that would be enough in this life to rejoice with my success of existence. And that whenever someone finds me and I make a connection to, this world will gone hysterical again and again to find a way to intervene to whatever it takes to help me realized forcibly that I'm owned and I'm kept on my own and that I'm not made to settle my fears for only just one person because I'm the type of person who gets so loyal till the very end even if it means wasting my life forever just because they have the same faith as mine and just because I'm truly naive when it comes to people who could hurt me because I love them. So why not consume it to the One who make this beautiful life of mine even more beautiful and possible, right? Life  has an undeniable point on that ! Thanks for not making it work then. Bravo! (Applaud.. Applaud..)



Heads-up: Please don't bother to make a connection. I don't like it anymore. I might just going to hurt whatever that is to get hurt but don't take that video personally. Some parts of it is irrelevant but somehow it will make you leave and never come back. 

11/4/14

Wonderwall



You're always the poetry in my heart. The endearing lights in my every silver linings. The hellos in my every goodbyes and the sunrise in all of my darkest days. The only person behind my strengths and weaknesses. You're always the only one enfolds my mystery.
The only one who catches me when I'm falling quickly.
The only reason behind my solitude. The secret to a lonely free life.

We always carry each other and I'm grateful that you're always with me when things are hopeless and near to destruction. You always save me and fix me. I always feel you. I always feel your sadness, your misery, your love and joy. I always keep you somewhere you always belong. You're my everything when I have nothing.

I might continue flying solo, still you will always be there to find me and bring back my wings whenever I lost it. I wish I could tell you how beautiful you are without a distance but only with a infinite habit of keeping together crazy. I just simply want to be there with you,
nowhere else.

I wish this life has never envied us.
We would have been the most beautiful and most happiest weirdos on earth,
but this is the life we chose. It's righteousness, sacrificial happiness.



11/3/14

Explicitly Poetic

Every girl's dream is to be good at dancing but I won't dance like this, no never. And every boy's dream is to be good at serenading. Well Ed Sheeran has been a master of it. I've loved this song even without this video anyway. But I'm a fan of Britney Spears so I love girls who dance very well and she nailed it.

The first time I heard about this song 'Thinking out loud from this young poetic songwriter and singer I fell in love with all of his album. It felt like being in ancient times of poetry. I love the way how he uses words with his lyrics that if you'd only read it alone you'd find yourself reading a poetry. It's just a genius that he could add artistic sound to it and how he sings it very handsome, cool!

5/25/14

Out Of The Wilderness


How can I describe my life right now after all I have been? I always hear myself say not to look back because the most picturesque memories I had captured in my whole life had been crosshatched by the grayish most atrocious experience of my not so long ago past. There will be no good way to look back with these silver linings hanging over my head. My views will always be distorted and couldn't demagnetize its every annoying forces not to turn my head on remembering everything. That's something that no elements in my circle of life ever to detoxify these certain memories not unless, maybe, my brain would have amnesia.

So I tried not to look back as I tried to always look forward. However, life is a journey. Sometimes we need to look back to understand where we are at this present time in order to figure out if  we're really heading to the future we've envisioned. I've always known where my next destination but this time after I've challenged my fears to get out of its comfort zone, I win some and I lose some. I won because I knew my weaknesses and strengths. I lost because I don't know where I am now. I am caught somewhere I don't know when and where to go. I'm totally clueless.

I used to received an answer in a timely fashion and I'm always entertained by my own consciousness looking around my journey just like an excited traveler, gasping for an air with an open mouth to taste how air should be like, free sans anything suppressing it and I'm someone who no longer mind to put my life over the edge after all I had been in the wilderness.  This time the journey is taking longer to call me. I don't know if being delayed is already to be considered a journey. If it does. I'm still willing to wait for another ride to whenever it will come to pick me up, if I'm still entitled to have one or probably I have already reached my final destination from which I need to stay and start a new life.


I've actually tried to look for a lot of option and I once seen myself down standing with two remaining streets to choose from but the one I've chosen, I've always failed to accomplish anything. It feels like it wasn't for me. It's the most difficult street that people would ever find themselves be walking in but everyone has their own ways to walk through it to succeed and I wish I could also do it in any other way. I just still don't know how that all I have is faith.

Nevertheless, I still long for  something real, something that will not lasts and may God help me be there and believe that He would always choose me to give love and protection. I would still wait. Maybe would still wait to hear this life says 'Go or 'Stay. Wherever would I be, I hope I will be in the best future. If that is so, I'd happily with every broken memories would say, that's fine.



5/11/14

Befallen

Not really a bad thing to feel emotionally fresh and  regretfully nostalgic at the same time listening to this song.

It's fresh because this is the kind of song that you would always wanted to hear when you wake up in the morning being reminded by someone you're feeling in love with and hoping that soon enough this person would realize that it's not a bad thing to fall in love with you because you're totally in it.

I find it nostalgic because you've probably once felt this feeling before with your past loved one when things are still quite fresh but of course things didn't work out well. So you're ready for a fresh new start after you've let go of yourself holding on to it and willing to fall in love again.

 

  


3/24/14

Raw Encounter of The Unknown

It is supposed to be the introduction of summer that is knocking our excitement  by now. Apparently, rain is stealing the sunlight. It's none of what I've expected because I don't feel like eating ice cream on rainy days! It's Monday.  It's the first day of the week and I'm supposed to meet my brother but our meeting was cancelled. And I cancelled my classes but I'm happy everything was cancelled because I've given the joy to appreciate this first long day of raindrops in our town.  Oh! How I missed this best companion of all the seasons I always get to meet every year, rain! I always love to kiss it and embrace it. However, I want to feel it without making me wet but only to soak my spirit with it's atmospheric coolness of realm and just simply let me feel it while in  my bed or while writing this.

I'm in my room and feeling everything's a snug yet everything looks yearly redundant . The soft light of my drop light ceilings, the mid breeze of my fan which every once and while making contact to my feeling-just-like-out-of the bathroom skin, the cozy sound of the raindrops and the sound of the car wheels shrieking fast on the miry highway road just across my room. Everything was so finely attuned to the freshness that this rain is providing me right now. I almost did nothing today but to watch movies I didn't even finish because none of it has an interesting mid plot and so I judged it's ending. So I decided why not switch my mood into writing mode and simply describe what my soul is really enjoying.

That's all.



No one can fancy a facial expression of something yet unknowingly real.~Rui :p

3/19/14

The You Don't Know Who

It will only take just one glance of half a second to start a memory that will last. They say that whenever you meet people you automatically sort them out. You categorize them like a piece of colored candy and you knew exactly which part of your life they'd best filled in. Friends, enemies and strangers they all have lots of room to spare. Your family has already taken the seat of a royalty. However, there's probably one person who's exceptional, always indescribable, unique probably because it somehow gave you a feeling which no one else has ever given you. And you just couldn't ignore it because it always banged you like an alarm clock telling you to wake up because this is reality and it's time for you to feel this. So just wake up. It's just so awesome sometimes, but mostly frustrating to even give in.





 By the way, although the lyrics of this song ain't that perfect to paint what I feel. Let me take note that I wasn't lonely. I was completely happy and not needing anything until something happened.

1/18/13

Nothing Of Importance

I've been trying to get back here. Been longing to feel my fingers typing, longing  to see my inner reflections in words. Seeing myself alive with lexical patterns, articulating the current swirling vortex of my own thoughts and imagining myself floating in it.

If there is any. Toink!

I don't want to burst my own bubble but honestly I have no thoughts! I mean no useful thoughts that I'm aware of. I've been busy with my new career which I never imagined would come to life! Now I'm alive!

Anyway,  I'm not yet saying goodbye. Just trying to make an informal transition there. See? Told yah! Nothing really much to say here but a bunch of crappy words. Just making a junkie thing to read for spare time. For your spare time. Breathe.

My purpose seriously is to have a friendly typo activity over my blog and simply wanting to see myself typing anything! That's it! Now I'm done!  Chow. Going to leave you with a song. Nyaahhhrrrr!!! I think that roar sound so sexy. No. I'm not in a hurry, just busy.


6/26/12

Please Let Me Excuse Myself..

I don't use explicit words ever in my whole life even there are moments in my life that entitles me to shout and tried to say even one of the lists of bad words but I still don't give a d@#&!

But when I saw this music video of Maroon 5 "Payphone" I thought "Hey! This is how I sound during the epic breakdown of my past. So why don't I feature this on my blog!" I would really sound so amazing. omagawd!  



6/16/12

Was It A Goofy Action?

Things really got funnier lately.  I had problems with my computer and I'm guilty being conscious about it.  Guilty because despite the fact that I knew something is wrong and it is under maintenance I still made a dry run by opening a few lessons.  I guess that's what happened when you've been away for too long and you've missed your job so much you wanted to start everything right away no matter what.

So for that reason I ended up having no student at all.  I made them really uncomfortable. Funny now that my computer is working at its finest I could hardly wait to show it.  How I'm finally audibly clearer.  I mean the clearest ever.  Clearer than they could ever imagined.  That if ever a needle falls and they'd hear it, that is totally going to be the end of my teaching career.

But now I'm back to zero and trying to scale everything up again. :(

By the way, let me show you this video about the recent sky phenomenon of planet Venus crossing the sun. Since I haven't seen it the time it happened I had managed to find a video from NASA itself.  So I hope you'd enjoy it though this will happen again for another 105 years. We're grateful that modern technology has its own way to make it available for our viewing pleasure. And also more grateful that God made things perfectly beautiful. We could enjoy one of the greatest happenings out in the universe without any turmoil because everything was accurately made according to their own movements. Have you ever thought of that? Or are you the one who believes that everything came from accident? Then watch this: