How can I describe my life right now after all I have been? I always hear myself say not to look back because the most picturesque memories I had captured in my whole life had been crosshatched by the grayish most atrocious experience of my not so long ago past. There will be no good way to look back with these silver linings hanging over my head. My views will always be distorted and couldn't demagnetize its every annoying forces not to turn my head on remembering everything. That's something that no elements in my circle of life ever to detoxify these certain memories not unless, maybe, my brain would have amnesia.
So I tried not to look back as I tried to always look forward. However, life is a journey. Sometimes we need to look back to understand where we are at this present time in order to figure out if we're really heading to the future we've envisioned. I've always known where my next destination but this time after I've challenged my fears to get out of its comfort zone, I win some and I lose some. I won because I knew my weaknesses and strengths. I lost because I don't know where I am now. I am caught somewhere I don't know when and where to go. I'm totally clueless.
I used to received an answer in a timely fashion and I'm always entertained by my own consciousness looking around my journey just like an excited traveler, gasping for an air with an open mouth to taste how air should be like, free sans anything suppressing it and I'm someone who no longer mind to put my life over the edge after all I had been in the wilderness. This time the journey is taking longer to call me. I don't know if being delayed is already to be considered a journey. If it does. I'm still willing to wait for another ride to whenever it will come to pick me up, if I'm still entitled to have one or probably I have already reached my final destination from which I need to stay and start a new life.
Nevertheless, I still long for something real, something that will never lasts and may God help me be there and believe that He would always choose me to give love and protection. I would still wait. Maybe would still wait to hear this life says 'Go or 'Stay. Wherever would I be, I hope I will be in the best future. If that is so, I'd happily with every broken memories would say, that's fine.